Comment: Heads Up Curo + Lambo’s Lieutenants

– Comment –

Our regular columnist gives a briefer entry than usual, this week based on the summertime goings-on at the club.

Phil Awful

You`ve heard of The Man Who Can`t Be Moved: he`s on that pop record by the Script.

Now meet The Man Who Can`t Be Sold: he`s on Colchester United`s payroll but lost his script ages ago.

The club have tried infamously tried offloading Phil Ifil, seven months since the right-back was last seen kicking a football that mattered in stripes, by sending circulars round the leagues to show he`s available.

Apparently, it`s called “forcing the market.”

In layman`s terms, that means hawking your knock-offs.

Ifil cost an expected £400,000 from Tottenham eighteen months ago.

No takers? Sure, ok then.

Next thing you know, his agent will be making him a broacher, as inspired by Michael Owen`s recent glossy sales pitch.

Ifil`s blurb could be something like: “Unfit. But tries hard, which is better than nothing. Likes to get forward but often forgets his position in the rush to attack. Scores own-goals; is likely to get sent off or give away a penalty in the heat of a relegation battle.”

Now, where did I put my chequebook?


Heads Up, Curo!

You can tell Sky Sports don`t work in PR.

First, they use an age-old picture of Mark Yeates from his teenage puppy-fat years to report his transfer to Middlesbrough on their website. It leads one fan writing that he looks about 45 years of age.

Charming.

Then Jamie Cureton claims he`s reached a Crossroads on his career – and yes, I do mean gone all soap-opera – and isn`t sure he loves Norwich City quite as much now he`s not playing regularly.

You can click here to see the picture they used – it looks like an auditioning for the part of Mr. Bump in a Rodger Hargreaves children`s book.

Funny, that. Colchester fans always thought he`d taken a bang on the head when he left after becoming the Championship top-scorer in 2007.

I`ll leave you to write your own headlines.

Looking For Lambert`s Lieutenants

There`s no festival of self-congratulation or team-wide backslapping under Boot Camp Lambert at Colchester United, is there?

The man said Chris Coyne has “no guarantees” of a starting future at the club (going), that Medi Elito and Phil Ifil will be sold “if their agents are any good” (going) and, rightly, that Akkani-Sunday Wasiu Wasiu “just never had it in him” to become a decent striker for the club (gone).

You thought no-one was safe from Lambert`s whirlwind of reproach, right?

Wrong. Solid full-back Alan Maybury was given a new contract last week, accompanied by the words “Alan justified trying to keep because of what he did for us last season.”

There`s an implication that Lambert felt he owed Maybury an extension based on past performance, which was considered by some fans as distinctly fair to middling.

Lambert`s sense of duty shows two things: 1) he a more compassionate character than is obvious and 2) he is looking for his own dressing-room lieutenants.

This apparently open admission of loyally is a first from him in Essex. Let`s hope Maybury proves an worthy exception to his manager`s rule.